About me

Everyone has a story, full of highs and lows. As challenging as life can be, what keeps me going is that I believe that at their core, problems are actually solutions. No matter how rock-bottom we sometimes go, I believe that when we look back on our lives, we still very cliché have to admit that we always learn important lessons and come out stronger. So a low point is actually an opening for growth and new possibilities. But when we are in the middle of it, it is so logical not to be able to experience it as such.

In my childhood I experienced a lot of insecurity, and in the process I developed coping strategies where I was constantly working very hard to create a safe environment for myself and those around me. Since childhood, I took on responsibilities that totally do not belong to a little girl, or really anyone. In fact, no matter how old you are, it is never our job to take responsibility for another person. As adults we can give support, but we cannot take over someone else's work.

Because of my coping strategies, I was always extremely alert and scanning my environment for danger. As a result, I developed an "anxious attachment style." This manifested as a helper's syndrome where I was always in the service of others, and did not give myself the same care. I didn't know my limits, and numbed myself away.

In my twenties, I became very jaded. Life seemed like a downward spiral where, despite all my hard work, things kept going wrong. For example, both my parents became dangerously ill and one of them was in the hospital every year. My social circle became smaller, I was treated badly in dating and relationships, and I often felt lonely. I was also stuck in a job that I discovered far too late that I was unconsciously very unhappy there.

My path to healing began when I met my partner. With him, my heart was able to thaw again. At the same time, he was also a mirror, and in our relationship I was confronted with my past and traumas in an intense way. This was put even more under a magnifying glass when our infant son was born during the first lockdown of the pandemic. It was a wonderful and at the same time terrible time. I didn't last the roller coaster much longer: in January 2022, I called in sick with burnout.